Rants from a Tired and Cranky Prego

Baby Ava had her 34 week check up yesterday. She is doing marvelous. So marvelous in fact, she managed to put on 1.5 lbs in only 2 weeks and she tips the scales at 5 lbs 12 oz.

Yikes! At this rate, we are for sure looking at almost a 9lb baby.

I certainly did not expect her to grow so large. I fact, before we started to trying to conceive, I weighted 100lbs. No joke! I fit in children’s clothing, and size 0 was often too big. I’m still shaking my head how my baby will grow to be a tenth of that weight.

While trying to conceive I started following a much more nutritiously dense diet to prepare my body for pregnancy. I worked at getting my weight up to a more healthy range for bearing a child and added another 15 lbs to my frame by the time we did actually conceive. Needless to say, due to my petit frame, I really expected about a 7 lb baby.

Don’t get me wrong. I am super excited she is growing so well and is so healthy, but I can’t help but feel somewhat intimidated by her size. The doctors seem to think it’s all about genetics, but truth be told, our families are notorious for 6 or 7 lb babies (with the exception on one cousin on my side who recently had a 10 lb baby).

I am left scratching my head trying to understand how this can be. I can’t help but feel nervous and intimidated about giving birth to such a large baby. No matter how much I learn about the experience of childbirth and what to expect, the bottom line is that I have never experienced it before and there is still that sense of the “unknown” that looms over my head.

I know small framed women are just as capable as delivering a big baby as larger framed women, but no matter how much I try and ease my anxiety within, I just can’t seem to pull myself together these days.

I know my mind is not in a very peaceful state as of late. I began to recognize my internal turmoil a few weeks back when I started listening to Marilyn Manson music again. I usually enjoy the more soothing music of Dido or Enya, but tend to regress to aggressive music when I feel frustrated.

Work is completely draining me with all that is left to complete before I start my leave and all the last minute demands being placed on me, the long commutes are becoming rather daunting, my nights are sleepless from all my tossing and turning and bathroom breaks. I can’t even fold a load of laundry without wanted to cry. Now, as the big day approaches, I just don’t feel like I have the mental energy left to prepare myself mentally and physically.

How do women cope in the last few weeks? I am finding this the most emotionally challenging part of the pregnancy. I have managed to avoid heartburn, stretch marks, constipation and hemorrhoids but would easily trade my emotionally fragile state of mind right now for a terrible case of hemorrhoids AND constipation, just to feel in control of myself again.