Preparing for Baby

First Trimester Accomplishments:

• We were finally pregnant! And we conceived on a cycle where we decided to give “trying” a rest to BOOT! We needed a change because throughout the entire process of “baby dancing”, we were well behaved little baby making machines. There was no way I was going to pro-create life having my ass slapped and getting called a naughty little ….. OOPS! See what happens when you let your guard down for a second. Wouldn’t you know we finally got pregnant when we let loose and decided to let Mother Nature take her course! Sorry Baby Cadeau….we tried to keep it pure and innocent, but I guess it was never meant to be!
• Husband is relieved to discover his “soldiers” really do work and to this day continues to wear a sheepish grin on his face and struts around proud as a peacock! Who knew how flattering it is to the male ego when they realize what their second brain is capable of.
• Does hibernating for three months count as preparing?

Second Trimester Accomplishments:

• Realized I wasn’t getting any skinnier, and bought maternity clothes.
• Refused to give up my regular size underwear. My ass cheeks hang off the side WILL FOREVER FIT IN A SIZE SMALL!
• Bought a crib, mattress and matching bedding and sheets (it has to all match because we all know your kid will grow up to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaay retarded if the sheets don’t match)
• Bought an “Assemble it Yourself” dresser kit at Walmart. Those things should be called “Make an Ass of Yourself” dresser kits! So much for trying to save some money. By the time we factored in the hours it took my husband to assemble the darn thing, we could have bought a whole furniture factory!
• Bought a Graco MetroLite Lightweight Travel System. This travel system has more features and ergonomic this and that’s than I would have ever dreamed of. All so VERY important because we all know how hard it is to push something on wheels! The grocery stores should take some tips from these space age stroller designs. Where are the ergonomic handles on those grocery carts?
  
  

Third Trimester Accomplishments:

• None yet as I am still a couple weeks shy of my final home stretch, but devouring every morsel of chocolate in sight is high on my priority list right now.