All Hail the Queen of Cayo Coco

That is, all hail my mom, with her newly acquired (and highly prized) title as the “Queen of Cayo Coco Cuba”.

I am sure I will not be able to communicate my mom’s adventure of how she came to deserve such a designation as well as she is able to, but this story had me rolling on the floor with laughter and was such a spirit booster after my “miserable monday” that I wanted to share it with blogland. Here is my humble approach to recount one her many adventures she had while visiting the sun filled island of Cuba.

It all started innocently enough as she was having a conversation with one of the friendly staff members at the resort. There was a small production of sorts taking place on a stage for the children at the resort after the dinner hour. While enjoying her after dinner cocktail, she mentioned to the bar tender how she would love to have a chance to get on stage at some point.

This is where I think I need to provide some background information on my mother. She wasn’t just making idle chit chat about longing to be on stage, she was dead serious. My mom doesn’t have a shy bone in her body, and loves to try new things (even in front of large crowds).

After the children’s show ended, the “adult” entertainment was next on the evening’s amusement lineup. My parents were sitting somewhere in the back of the audience, chit chatting away with the same friendly bartender, only half paying attention to what was starting up on the center stage. Out of the corner of her eye though, she could see two beautiful young blonds standing up on the stage looking out in the crowd. The audience was also turning this way and that way, looking around, trying to find the third contestant that was being summoned up onto the stage. Finally, her bartender friend nudged her and said,” That’s your cue Brenda! You said you wanted to go onstage, so get GOING!”

Somewhat shocked, my mom realized she had no idea what was going on, or what she was supposed to be going on stage for. Up until this point, she hadn’t been paying attention to what was happening on the stage (as she was absorbed in her friendly conversation with her new friend), and now all of a sudden she had been pin pointed in the audience as the third contestant and she had a crowd of people cheering her on for an event she didn’t even know the first thing about, except her two competitors were young, blond and gorgeous.

As I said earlier, my mom loves to try new things and is always up for a new adventure. Inhibition is not a word in her vocabulary. Figuring she would soon learn what she was on stage for anyways, she gave her friend a look of shock, followed by a “you’ll hear from me later” gaze, and made her way up to stage with the encouragement and cheers of the audience behind her.

Once onstage, she learned she would be competing for the title “Queen of Cayo Coco”. Glancing over at her competitors, she realized this was going to be quite the event.

The first order of duty to be awarded the distinguished title was to perform a provocative dance for the audience. To my astonishment, by popular vote, my mom won this round of the competition.

I think its time to insert another snippet about my mom here. Although I am not aware of (and do not want to know of) any incidences where a provocative dance has been performed in the past by my mom), she absolutely LOVES to dance. She loves to dance, shake noisemakers and sing the “cucaracha” with my little baby cousin Amy, she has been known on occasion to dance on the odd picnic table, and even on Easter mornings with her daughter (me) before breakfast to the beat of a singing toy hamster (evidence of our monkey business can be seen here).

The second obligation to fulfill was to guess the age of an inadequately clothed man by touch alone. My mom lost this round of the competition, but something tells me rubbing her hands all over some young mans rippled chest more than made up for her loss.

The next task was to run out and kiss as many men in the audience as you could in only 30 seconds. I was sure my mom would win this round of the competition. After a vigorous year of exercising on the treadmill everyday, I was sure she would leave the other two women chocking on her dust. I’ll chalk up her loss here to the fact that she “must” have taken the time to scope out my dad and plant the first kiss on him! (You did give dad a kiss here right mom??)

The fourth and final leg of the competition involved improv acting skills. The category to act out (alone on the stage with nothing but yourself) was “What it’s like to wake up a man”. Eyebrows raised and jaw on the floor; I could sense where her story was about heading. Yes, my mom knew exactly what her skit would consist of. All dignity aside, she proceeded to simulate her idea of waking up a man by rolling out of bed with a big yawn. She then proceeded to scratch a certain nether region, followed by some rather obscene farting noises, and ended her demonstration by imitating a sleepy man attempting to urinate anywhere but IN the toilet bowl. Yes, this improvisation took the cake. The audience gave her a standing ovation and the title “Queen of Cayo Coco” had been awarded to her majesty, my mom.

The show did not end there. The host, looking at all three contestants announced, “Now, let’s have the audience line up behind the contestant who REALLY should have been the Queen of Cayo Coco”. At that moment, she was sure the audience favorite would be one of the two gorgeous young women standing beside her.

Much to her surprise, the line up to determine the “real” audience favorite extended behind her all the way off the stage and outside the theater boundaries. It was official, the visitors of Cayo Coco Cuba had a favorite, and it was my mom. I can’t say I blame them. What’s not to love about her? She is such a wonderful person. Her energy and spirit are a breath of fresh air, and her passion for life never fails to amaze me. You’ve always been my top pick too mom! Congratulations on your week long reign of Cayo Coco Cuba, and welcome home!