Clown Feet

I think the most surprising thing with this pregnancy (being so naïve as this is my first) was my ability to read about all the various conditions and changes that will happen to my body and somehow manage to convince myself that they won’t happen to me.

Here was my train on thought on some of the more common pregnancy related ailments at a very early stage:

Backache:
"I’ve never had backaches before….a few extra pounds won’t cripple me…"

Expanding shoe size:
"I’ve been blessed with narrow feet, so any swelling will surely go unnoticed with the extra room most of my shoes have!"

Emotional Instability:
"COME ON!…You’re were talking about me, the girl who puts on a strong face and deals with issues, not cries about them!"

Mixed feelings about expanding belly (and other body parts):
"Not a chance…I’m going to be the cutest damn pregnant lady you’ve ever seen. IT WILL BE ALL BELLY, I’LL LOVE IT, and savor every extra inch knowing my baby is growing big and strong to face the world."

Shortness of Breath:
"WHAT? Shortness of breath? What is that? I’m not training for a triathlon, but I can run up and down a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat. This one for sure does not apply!"


Now for the reality check. Here is what I SHOULD have been thinking when I read about those common ailments:

Backache:
"Yes, backache. If I sleep on my back too long, and try and get out of bed (for the millionth time to pee) I’ll barely be able to stand and need to hang onto the walls to make sure I don’t fall over. Sitting at a computer all day won’t help either."

Expanding shoe size:
"Of course, that makes sense. The extra hormone “relaxing”, which allows the uterus to expand, also acts on all connective tissue (including the 26 muscles in your feet causing them to loosen and spread). My new shoe size is most likely here to stay. I will have to accept that my feet will magically transform into clown feet."

Emotional Instability:
"Ahh…emotional breakdowns! What a great opportunity to drive your husband crazy trying to figure out what the hell you’re talking about while trying to comfort and console the psycho pregnant lady."

Mixed feelings about expanding belly (and other parts):
"That makes sense. You get FAT! Of course a recipe for instant fatness will cause some mixed emotions. I am human after all (well mostly…when not in an emotionally unstable state). See my post on "
Ass Sandwhich" for further details about my thoughts on my growing body."

Shortness of Breath:
"Right! With up to 50% more blood pumping through my body, surely the seemingly easy task of going up a flight of stairs will take my breath away. In fact, turning over in bed will cause heavy breathing (NOT THAT KIND!); even brushing my teeth will cause a shortness of breath. In fact, take it up a notch and anything I do while pregnant will feel like I’m trying to run a marathon."

So far, all things considered, I do consider myself quite lucky, considering what many pregnant women go through. My issues are quite mild when I think of those women with high risk pregnancies and other scary conditions that can put their babies in harms way. All in all, I think I have had it quite easy so far and count my blessings hoping the remainder of the pregnancy will progress just as smoothly.