Goodbye Ava Marie Cadeau

I'm sorry if this post sounds very impersonal, but I cannot muster up any more strength to elaborate or provide more details. Below is a copy of an email I have sent my friends to let everyone know what has happened to my husband and I.

Hello
I’m writing to let you know that I went into labour and gave birth to Ava Marie Cadeau on Thursday April 14th, at 2:11 PM in the afternoon through a crash Cesarean delivery at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto. Ava was perfectly beautiful. She weighed 6 lbs 6 oz with a full head of curly brown hair.

Ava’s heart rate was very low at birth and a team of expert pediatricians and nurses did their best to save her. Unfortunately they were not able to help.

She was in our arms until she passed away at 9:30 PM that evening.

Although Ava’s life was too short, it was a life that consisted of only love, kisses and hugs all while resting peacefully against the warmth of my bosom.

We are holding a small ceremony to put Ava to rest on Wednesday April 20th and she will be surrounded by the love of her immediate family.

If anybody would like to honour Ava’s memory please release a balloon into the air as we will be doing the same following the ceremony in her honour.

Warmest Regards,

Karla Cadeau

I don’t think I will be back to post any more after this. I want to thank everyone who reads my blog for following along with me in such a memorable and joyous occasion in my life. It means a lot to us to know that Ava will be remembered and was loved by so many. Many of you have been along for the journey of her life since before she was born. Thank you for sharing such a special time with us.

Here are some pictures of our beautiful baby girl. Please help keep her memory alive.

Ava's Nursery

I thought I would share some pics of Ava's nursery. Everything is done, except for one shelf that still needs to be hung.

This is Ava's crib.


Notice the larger mobile. This one is remote control operated. It was a Daddy "must have".


The hanging baby quilt below is actually pieces from Mark's baby blanket when he was just a wee tyke. It's probably hard to see in the picture, but his Grandma actually painted all the little designs in each of the squares. His mom had it reworked into this beautiful hanging baby quilt (thanks to his talented cousin Jennifer).


And here is Ava's dresser. This "Assemble it Yourself" piece of furniture was lovingly nicknamed the "Make as Ass of Yourself" dresser after we realized it would take 1400 hours to put together!

The little rocking chair was a Christmas gift for Ava from my parent's (McGrandma and McGrandpa). Too cute!

A Letter for Ava

My Dear Sweet Ava

You are all I can think about these days. I’m sure I must be a complete bore to anyone who I talk to, because I just can’t seem to focus on anything but you and your impending arrival.

I had a look into your secret little world inside of me a few days ago and although it took a little while to rouse you from your slumber, once you realized you were on camera, you had no problem coming alive and wiggling and squirming about for us to monitor your well being. You’re little face is perfect and I can’t wait to smother you with kisses, feel the softness of your skin and show you how good it feels to lay cheek to cheek and just “be”.

I know that all too soon your life is about to change dramatically, and all that will separate us will be the distance of a blanket and our beating hearts. The cord that has connected us for these nine long months will be cut, separating our life giving connection, signaling the start of something larger than life itself, the bond between a mother and a daughter.

As you take in your first breaths of air I’ll surely need to catch my own breath at the sight of you. I know I will become extremely emotional when we meet for the first time. The miracle of your new life and entrance into our family has been something I have hoped and dreamed about for a long time, and I want you to understand that no matter what, your life is the most precious thing to me, and you have my word that I will cherish, nurture and shower you with a love that I can only describe as the opening of an entirely new chamber in my heart because I just can’t explain where these new feelings are coming from.

So much awaits you in this world outside my womb. I will miss our special time together as I helped you grow healthy and strong enough to leave your secret little world inside of me, but soon you will be ready to come and meet your two anxious parents and when you do, we will have nothing but the most genuine and sincere love to offer you.

Love always,

Mommy

Stock Market Tips I wish I had Learned before I became Pregnant

Tip Number 1:
Invest in Batteries!

The baby companies MUST be conspiring with the battery companies to ensure that absolutely EVERYTHING baby requires batteries (usually D size...FOUR OF THEM!).

I wouldn't be surprised if they even found a way to incorporate batteries in diapers to play a little jinkle when they become soiled.

Tip Number 2:
Invest in Toilet Paper. (Is TP a commodity? It should be. Think how lost we would be without it!)

Pregnant woman have to pee far too much. I think I finally understand where the term “Piss like a Racehorse” comes from.

Big Bad Belly Shots - 38 Weeks (minus a day)

Here I am at "almost" 38 weeks.

Waiting for a Sign

I know I am just a few days shy of week 38, but I am getting so anxious and excited to meet little Ava that I can’t help but wish she would make her grand entrance RIGHT NOW! I keep looking for signs of labour, but nothing much seems to be happening.

I really don't know if I have “dropped” yet. To me, my stomach still seems high up (that… and it doesn't feel like I am carrying a bowling ball between my legs). On the other hand, my stomach is measuring a few centimeters smaller than my 34 week appointment. Generally, a pregnant belly measures a centimeter for each week of pregnancy, give or take a centimeter or two, and when the baby starts to drop or "engage" your stomach will measure smaller because there is less baby in the stomach, and more baby lower in the pelvis. This type of measurements isn't fool proof. The numbers can vary depending on the position of the baby. I did notice however, how low the Ultrasound tech had me lower my pants to take measurements of her head when I had my appointment earlier this week. I may as well have been wearing them around my ankles. They say you will "know" when the baby drops, so I guess for now, I'll have to assume she hasn't.

My weight has pretty much leveled off since 34 weeks as well. It varies by a couple pounds depending on the time of day (gotta love the evening swelling), but I’m up about 26 lbs.

I still feel quite good. I’ve been keeping active by walking at least 3 miles (approx. 5km) everyday. Hopefully all that walking along with the effects of gravity will help get things started.

This 7 lb heavy weight is getting stronger and stronger by the day. Her kicks (well I suppose it’s more like stretching now considering how little room to move there is) literally take my breath away. IT HURTS! When she decides to stretch out one whole side of my stomach goes high up in the air, and her little feet jab out the side of my belly.

No matter how many stories I tell her or how much coaxing and persuading I do, this little girl just doesn’t seem the least bit interested to come out and greet the world. Nope…she’s quite content to stay put and pork out until what I am sure will be the last possible minute!

I can't say I blame her. If someone gave me a warm bubble to live in, and attached me to a feeding tube I wouldn't want to leave either!

And the award for the worst parents goes to…

A few weeks ago Mark installed our car seat. Knowing that more than 80% of the child seats are used incorrectly, we decided to visit the “Sit Safe Child Passenger Safety Program” offered by the Durham Regional Police to ensure that our car seat is correctly installed.

It turns out that Mark successfully installed the car seat, but we failed to recognize that loose ice scrapers left on the floor in the back of the car can quickly become lethal weapons in the event of a crash (they also suggested the pile of Tim Horton coffee cups should probably be cleared out as well…apparently our garbage under a high impact crash will also turn into a fatal daggers and destroy anything in its path! Those coffee cups really should come with a parental warning sign).

So there you have it! The Worst Parent Award goes to us, and we haven’t even officially crossed the line over to parenthood yet!

OYE! We’re doomed!

Labour Coach Starting to Show Signs of Unsteadiness

I had an appointment with an anesthetist yesterday to discuss the use of an epidural for pain relief during labour.

It was a great meeting. We discussed how the procedure is performed and went over my medical history and she informed me of the potential side effects (of course I have already researched epidural usage until I was blue in the face, but the meeting was comforting and useful nonetheless). I’m pleased they provide a walking epidural (as opposed to a full spinal block where I wouldn’t have use of my legs). Being able to make use of my legs means I can still birth in various positions that I find comfortable, empty my own bladder and most importantly, still feel the sensation to push.

While discussing the outcome of the meeting with Mark on our way home last night I could tell he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable (yes, a tiny needle is inserted between the bones in my spine and …and….and….). We started reading the handout the hospital provided me and suddenly I noticed he had stopped reading. My poor husband was starting to get sweaty and nauseous.

Oh MY! This was just the part about getting a needle stuck in my back! What happens when my baby’s ginormous head is crowing? At least he has been honest and has said that he does not want to “watch” the actual birth, but he is excited to be a part of it all.

My mom on the other hand (bless her soul) happens to think child birth is one of the most beautiful things in the world and she is EXCITED to watch it happen.

I just hope my hubby doesn’t pass out on the delivery floor.

Does anyone have any advice or tips for a nervous dad to be about to venture into the labour and delivery room with his wife?

Lessons Learned

I have learned three things about myself since I started my Maternity Leave

1. I DO look funny when I walk
I think I was in denial. I have been quite self conscious about the whole “waddling” issue when it comes to being pregnant, and have (or so I thought) been taking great care to be aware of my movements and try my best to walk normally.

All along I thought I was doing a great job at maintaining a non-pregnant looking stride until I actual was able to catch of a glimpse of myself while passing by store windows yesterday. I couldn’t help but notice my reflection in the glass. Do I ever look FUNNY! I can’t say that I necessarily waddle, but I do have the typical pregnancy look where from the bottom downwards I have a fluid, gentle stride happening and then the top half of my body is arched backwards (causing my belly to look overly exaggerated).

Lesson Learned: Posture would have been a much better area to focus on, rather than trying so hard not to waddle!


2. Only homeless people hit on me now that I am pregnant...
...and they only tell me I have beautiful eyes or a nice smile because they want my money!

Lesson Learned: Being knocked up just isn’t a turn on for men.


3. I have accepted my baby is going to be ginormous
Yet another ultrasound indicates this baby is in the 75th percentile. Considering how many of them I have had after the discovery of Ava’s little heart arrhythmia and that they have all been performed by a different technician on different machines, I am quite confidant they can’t ALL be estimating wrong. Yesterday, my baby weighed exactly 7 lbs. An eight and a half pounder definitely seems to be in my cards.

Lesson Learned: My baby is little porker. (But her chubby cheeks are just SOOOO aborable).

Pregnancy Madlib

Obviously....I'm VERY BUSY in these last few minutes of work!
I was just visiting PregnancyWeekly's blog about Pregnancy Madlibs and decided to try one out for myself! Does anyone remember mad libs? Oh my! How many tears of laughter where shed over those funny little fill in the blank stories!

Here is my Pregnancy Madlib story. I was in tears laughing over this (hey...I never said I had a GOOD sense of humour!)

"Is that beer or did my water just break?" Karla wondered aloud.

"OYE!! Call the shoe," shouted Mark, grabbing the coffee pot and running into the closet.

Holding her pelvis, Karla ran like an perky paper toward the window.

"Remember what they said to do - to get through the contractions, you need to skip, skip, skip," Mark said cautiously.

"Calm down! If this is labor, I'm The Pope."

"But we have to be ready! Do you have a focal point?"

"Yes," Karla said. "The church."

"I'll go see if I can swiftly fit it in the house. You stay here and leap," yelled Mark, and ran out the door.

Karla jumped back into the closet and sniffed. Maybe it was beer, after all.

The Nervous OB

Today is my last day of work! I can't beleive how fast time has flown.

While sorting through massive accumulation of emails over the years, I came across this funny email my cousin sent me about a nervous OB.

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams.

To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

Thats a good one Teena! By the way...May 3rd?? Really? You REALLY want to change your April 28th due date prediction to May 3rd? That makes me want to cry!