Labour Coach Starting to Show Signs of Unsteadiness
I had an appointment with an anesthetist yesterday to discuss the use of an epidural for pain relief during labour.
It was a great meeting. We discussed how the procedure is performed and went over my medical history and she informed me of the potential side effects (of course I have already researched epidural usage until I was blue in the face, but the meeting was comforting and useful nonetheless). I’m pleased they provide a walking epidural (as opposed to a full spinal block where I wouldn’t have use of my legs). Being able to make use of my legs means I can still birth in various positions that I find comfortable, empty my own bladder and most importantly, still feel the sensation to push.
While discussing the outcome of the meeting with Mark on our way home last night I could tell he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable (yes, a tiny needle is inserted between the bones in my spine and …and….and….). We started reading the handout the hospital provided me and suddenly I noticed he had stopped reading. My poor husband was starting to get sweaty and nauseous.
Oh MY! This was just the part about getting a needle stuck in my back! What happens when my baby’s ginormous head is crowing? At least he has been honest and has said that he does not want to “watch” the actual birth, but he is excited to be a part of it all.
My mom on the other hand (bless her soul) happens to think child birth is one of the most beautiful things in the world and she is EXCITED to watch it happen.
I just hope my hubby doesn’t pass out on the delivery floor.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for a nervous dad to be about to venture into the labour and delivery room with his wife?
posted by karla @ 2:22 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Make sure Dad is wearing some kind of padded hat so if he does faint or collapse, he won't hurt his head. Jk.
I suggest talking with Mark about what you will need from him. Outline what you would like him to do..or not to do. What you want him to say, what you would like him to bring. I think it's that uncertainty that lends itself into fear and nervousness because they are not giving birth (you are) and they are not delivering (doctor is) and they need some kind of purpose.
I tell my husband that I need him to hold my hand, wipe my brow and compliment me many times. :)
I would not "make him " cut the cord. wes about passed out when he saw that bloody part of it.
i bet mark will get into it and take peeks now and then. He will do great when it comes down to it...
Ha ha ha! The epidural is nothing! They couldn't get mine in, and it took 45+ minutes. Trey could have cared less. I think he continued to eat popcorn and watch the movie while I suffered...
I had Trey hold my hand and one of my legs. Okay, that's what they made him do. He had to keep facing me, although he now admits he snuck peeks. He told me what he saw, and I'm SO mad at him (the whole procedure is still quite embarrasssing for me)! I'm quite sure that Mark will be able to figure out what to do, based on how you are acting. You guys know each other well enough by now that if you never call each other "Honey Bunch", then he should know better than to start then!
Oh, and I agree w/Gina. They asked Trey if he wanted to cut the cord, and he said sure. Then they all stepped back and covered their faces. That totally freaked him out, and it took him a few minutes to get the courage to do it after that!
Oh, and just a reminder to Mark. There's not a whole heck of a lot he can do now...she's coming whether he likes it or not! Tell him just to keep a level head, like you.
Have the boy sit behind you and support you if you want to lift yourself up a bit and talk in your ear and that sort of thing.
This is weird for me. I remember when I first noticed it was during Ava's EKG. I was happily watching the technician looking around (me anxiously looking to see baby Ava) watching her little heart beating.
Then, as I'm watching her heart beat I realize that I'm watching a heart beating...I felt slightly faint.
I regained my composure quickly enough because Karla kept looking at me for support and I needed to know what was happening on the screen that's never happened to me before so I'm not sure where this is coming from.
I'm much less concerned about Karla delivering Ava than I am about the epidural being performed. Weird...I know...I just hate needles.
I was a little snippy and impatient with Richard toward the end, and I think it hurt his feelings. I would say be prepared for that sort of thing and don't take it personally.
I know where you are coming from about the needle. I think people think I'm being funny when I say the idea of an epidural scares me more than the pain of childbirth, but it's true in my case. Really though, they do this kind of thing all the time. Maybe you could find a way to zone out while they are inserting the needle. Don't watch!
Then there's MY husband - Mr Heroic EMT/Firefighter! Not only did he want to watch EVERYTHING - the man wanted to actually deliver our first child! *sigh* Fortunately (or unfortunately) I had C-sections with both kiddos...
Yeah, Mark, you don't really have to watch it happen. Like I said, it took them 45+ minutes to put mine in, and Trey never bothered to look up from the television (I still hate the movie Signs b/c of that!). A normal epidural insertion takes 5 min. or less, so there's really no reason to look. All they'll do is make her sit on the edge of the bed, arch her back outwards, and slip it in. The idea is to get it in b/t contractions, so it's quick and painless, and really, I doubt you'd see anything anyway. It took the anesthesiologist (sp?) and the nurse to do it, so there's no room for you. I promise, the baby coming out will be much more worth looking at, although I bet you'll feel much more queasy then!
I've missed your blog karla and I am trying to get all caught up.
This is a GREAT question, one that gets addressed ALL THE TIME with the dads that I work(ed) with as a doula.
The #1 Priority of the daddy is to love the mommy. Different men show that in different ways - some touch, rub, pat, hold, talk, cry, laugh, joke, sit back and observe, take it all in, get right in the middle, the list is endless.
The job of the daddy is to love the mommy.
One thing that no man is ever prepared for is the "intensity" of labor. Women aren't prepared for it either but it is REALLY difficult to have to observe such intensity in a woman that you love beyond life itself. It is raw and hard and very intense....but everyone must realize that the "pain" that they are observing is not a negative kind of pain - it is a productive/positive pain and it means that the labor process is working. If they can't let go and encourage the process to work - then they need to wait in the hall because they can rob the woman of her control and confidence and things can go south. It is never about the man (or the parents of the woman/man) during labor, especially if a mommy snaps or chops at her hubby. Tell Mark to keep you up and moving around, it helps the contraction and quickens the descent of the baby. There will be a time when you feel like you simply can't go on or be able to "do it" and it will be his job to tell you that you can....that you have power within you which has not been discovered yet. You can do it, you are strong. You are powerful, your body is working just like it should. he may need to remind you of that power. Keep your moans low and gutteral - not high pitch and squealing. Loose lips means loose cervix. (think of the sound that a horse makes with his lips)
Use aids like warm/hot water, birth ball, massage if they help. They may help on one contraction and not another....its not Mark's fault if they dont work. His main job is to love you and witness Ava's arrival.....
Let the process work, roll with it, harness the energy and intensity and stay alert.
You are about to complete the process of birthing a mommy and daddy.
This is a wonderful and anxious time.
Many blessings,
Wash Lady
PS> From the looks of your picture - you have not dropped yet.
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