Crazy Baby Names!

My husband and I have started the daunting task of trying to pick a name for our baby. I’ve been frequenting the baby name message boards on the internet to see what kind of names people are thinking of these days, and have discovered (much to my horror) that some of these poor little babies are going to suffer a lifetime of torment and agony from some of the goofy names parents are coming up with.
I just had to comment and share these goodies with you.
Here are some of the winners:

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I heard the name Zavary today for a boy. I love it! What do you all think? I also heard the name Toka for a girl,What do you think of that name?

Hey, Toka! Wanna go for a smoke-a? How about some cocoa? She really likes mocha! Let's buy an artichoka! She lives la vida loca!

Zavary - sounds like gravy. Are you hungry for some savory gravy Zavary?

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i like Brendan. and for a girl - Egwene.

Yeah… if you want your kid called "Ewwie" for the rest of her life.

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I like the name Tegwin for my third child. My two children have uncommon names that are easy to pronounce and spell. I am compelled to use something original...ideas???

Yes. Jump off a bridge. Your kid sounds like one of those retarded fantasy creatures from Lord of the Rings.

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Andreana Calida
Damita Nicole
Adoncia Noella
Kamaria May
Elliot Ness

Andreana Calida (An earthquake fault)
Damita Nicole (A cheesy tasting snack)
Adoncia Noella (A giant man eating snake)
Kamaria May (Fried Octopus! Gross)
Elliot Ness (A big scary monster that lives in the ocean and doesn’t like to be seen)

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For the last 50 years, my family has been naming their children after Southwestern Ontario cities. My brother is Barrie, my sister is Kingston, and my cousin is Markham. I am due in two weeks (it'll be a girl) and I thinking about naming her either York or Orillia. What do others think?

What about naming your kid ofter the greatest town in Newfoundland. It’s called Dildo!http://www.k12.nf.ca/woodlandelem/our_school/dildo.html

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I grew up with a "grown-up" name (Victoria) and a "kid" name (Tori), as did my sister. I have always liked having both available....so we plan on naming our firstborn son Creighton.

At last! A breath of logic! When he's little, he can be called....Crate of Shit. Or One-Ton Creighton. Or Mr. Defies the I before E rule. And when he's older, you won't know what he's called because surely you won't be on speaking terms.

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I like the unique names like.... For a boy: Ezra or Solomon (from the bible)But my husband hates Ezra I really like Ezra. It is so strong and manly!

I don't know... I'm sure you can find a name better than Ezra.

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What is a nature realated name for a boy? I am pregnant with a boy and I already have four girls. My girls are Summer Skies, Autumn Night, April Shower, and Spring Flower. Please help I am due in November.

Star Light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, let this lady be a mental patient whose "children" are actually straws she stole from the hospital cafeteria.

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What about these unique names for a boy? What do you think:
Dunstan-hill stone
Eadmund-wealthy protection

YIKES! Do I really have to say anything about a name that means a hill of stone and sounds like Dunce Cap, or a name that means "wealthy wolf" and sounds like chronic sinus congestion?

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how about:
Winter Snow
Forest Greeneor
Sage August

How 'bout Oy and Vey

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Growing up in a winter wonderland

Although I live in suburbia Toronto, I grew up in a small town north of Toronto called Penetanguishene. Today we woke up to about a foot of snow (technically I should say 30cm, but the metric system has never quite grown on me when referring to length and distances).

At 6:00 am this morning, bleary eyed and sleepy, my husband was outside shoveling the drive. It was still snowing however, and trying to clear the snow was like fighting a loosing battle. As he would clear one path of the white fluffy mess down to the black pavement below, he would start the next path only to discover the pavement that was cleared only moments ago had been swallowed up by the snow monster and was once again, a blanket of white.

I remember the days when we wouldn’t curse the white stuff, but actually look forward to when it would snow. That was when we were kids though, a time when responsibilities and hard labour like shoveling were not issues we concerned ourselves with. Sometimes I wonder what winters will be like for our child. The Toronto area certainly does not receive any consistent snow fall, but rather sporadic patches enough to jam up traffic and plant a perma scowl on the faces of those who are not used to the snow.

Penetanguishene on the other hand, it located in a snow belt, and there is never a shortage of the white stuff in the winter. In fact, I can remember plenty of Halloween evenings trick or treating where there was snow on the ground already!

I hope we will be able to create some fond winter memories for our child. Some of my favorite childhood memories are from a time when I could play freely in mountains and mountains of snow. Here are a few of my favorite childhood snow memories.

The Snow Igloos:

Penetanguishene got a lot of snow! So much snow in fact, that my dad would use our snow blower to blow all the snow into an immense pile of white. He would do this for a couple of days, snow blow, let it compact, snow blow, let it compact, until we had a pile almost as tall as the house. The giant snow pile was to be me and my brothers very own IGLOO! We would spend days digging out the center with a drive as energetic as that of an escaped convict tunneling their way under a jail to safety. Our snow igloos, looking back, probably weren’t the safest snow forts to be playing in, but boy were they fun. And it’s true! You do stay warm in an igloo!

Mountainous Snow Cliffs:
I remember a particularly bad year for snow (or good year if you asked any of the kids). My dad actually had to snow blow a spot for me to wait for my bus. It was about the width of a slow blower (around 3 feet) and the cliffs of snow on either side of me had to be at least 10 feet tall. I would stand between my two little snow cliffs to wait for my bus feeling like the coolest kid of the block. I mean, who else had a dad that created a cool bus stop like that?

Walking to School in the Snow Uphill (Both Ways):
Thinking back, I don’t know where my brother and I got the energy to brave the snow like we did. Just like all Grandpa’s tales from “back in day”, my brother and me had to walk to school, uphill (both ways), with one shoe and a 29 books on our back. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but there is one occasion that stands out in my mind. A couple feet of snow had fallen the night before, and by the time we had to leave to walk to school, none of the sidewalks were plowed. Like the good little tykes we were, we didn’t walk on the road because we knew that would not have been safe, so we trucked through snow up to our knees.

What a workout that must have been! Tired and out of breath, my brother glanced ahead and noticed there was a snow plow heading in our direction. If we weren’t out of the way by the time it passed us, we were in for a good snow in! Frantic not to get buried, we attempted to run for safety. Our little hearts pounding and our lungs at full capacity, we ran as fast as our little legs would carry us (which wasn’t very fast considering we were already knee deep in snow). I remember feeling like I was running in slow motion and that the inevitable was about to happen. Finally, fatigue overcame us, and the snow plow passed us without a second thought and buried us even deeper in the snow. The worst part was, the somewhat discernible sidewalk that was once ahead of us was no longer. The plow created so much snow that continuing on would be impossible. We had to cross over to the other side of the road if we were to continue. (I bet you can see where this is going…)

We looked both ways, and made is safely across the road, laughing and giggling about what had just happened. We were not far from the school, when we heard a familiar rumbling behind us. The snow plow was coming back to do the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD! We were doomed!

We didn’t even bother that time around to try and high tail it out of there to safety. There was just too much snow slowing us down. We sat and waited for our destiny. The plow came, the plow saw, the plow went and we were buried.

Just think, we hadn’t even made it to school yet. Our day had barely begun. If I had a day like that now, I would have packed up and called it quits the first time I got buried under snow. Cancel that, I would have looked out the window at all the snow I had to walk through and called in sick! As a kid, even though I was spent and cold, I was still happy to keep on trekking. (My how times change).

The Infamous GT Snow Racer:

Of all the various ways kids could find ways to entertain themselves in the snow, nothing beat the fast and furious power of the GT snow racer. Toboggans and crazy carpets were for the meek! If you wanted downhill adventure and speed, the GT was the only way to go. If you were feeling especially courageous, building a large “jump” on the toboggan hill never failed to spice up your ride down with a few moments of airborne euphoria followed by a large brain rattling collision back onto the ground below. I’m not convinced these GT snow racer contraptions are the least bit safe. Their braking mechanism isn’t exactly useful and they did pick up speeds that left all the crazy carpet and toboggan toting kids to eat your dust (or shall I say snow), but then again, is voluntarily hurtling yourself down a hill at high speeds ever the brightest thing to do? Probably not, but tobogganing was a favorite winter pastime of mine, one I hope I will get to share in the adventure of racing down a hill with my child someday soon (But we’ll be sticking to the crazy carpets this time around).

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa, Season's greetings from Karla and Mark! It's been a while since we’ve chatted…about a year now I guess! It’s that time again to bring you up to date on how we've spent the past year. It’s been a busy one! January got off to a great start! We were happy newlyweds well rested from our honeymoon in Couples Negril Jamaica and finally recovering from the whirlwind year and half of Wedding Planning. We both quit smoking and decided to make a baby! Who would have thought the miracle of life was such a long and trying process? Around March, we decided it was time for another vacation and before we knew it, we had booked a week long getaway in June to SIN CITY! Neither of us gambles, but we had never been to Vegas and had to experience what many describe as an “adult playground”. Since our vacation was another three months away, we decided to keep ourselves busy and buy a house. In April of 2004, we found a wonderful house to call home. Our closing date was not until August, but that afforded us months of planning and organizing and of course, penny pinching to ensure we had that “10%” down payment. We spent endless hours getting excited about painting and decorating. Finally, June arrived and our Las Vegas adventure began. It was HOT in the desert in June, but it was a fun filled holiday or sight seeing, amazing production shows, food, drinks, night life, chartered flights to the Grand Canyon and of course, the Fountains of the Bellagio! The Bellagio fountains brought a tear to my eye and sent shivers down my spine. They are one of the most magical and whimsical events I have ever seen. They entrance, captivate and move you all at once! August arrived, and so did the news I was pregnant. I was FINALLY PREGNANT! This was also the month we were to finally move into our new home as well. We were overjoyed with all the good news and events surrounding us. The move into our new house went smoothly and our parents were ecstatic about the news of becoming grandparents. In October, Mark received an attractive job offer at a software company in Toronto. Although he hesitated at first about making such a bold career move while his wife was pregnant with a new mortgage looming over his head, the decision to move on was one of the best decisions he has ever made. He can now sleep at night, and has a renewed vigour about him like a giant weight has been lifted from his shoulders. All of a sudden December was upon us and were shopping for presents and getting ready for Christmas. Seeing that this will be our first Christmas in our new house, we decided to host the Christmas dinner and are now spending the last few days of the year finishing up last minute gift shopping and getting the house ready for our beloved family to join us to celebrate the season of joy and merriment. We hope this letter finds you well Santa. We are not asking for anything this year as we have received everything we could possibly want. We are both happy and healthy and have enjoyed an extraordinary year of events. We have a lovely new home, and are about to start our family. What more could we want? Love Mark and Karla

Big Bad Belly Shots - 22 Weeks

Here I am at 22 weeks.

I love my “bump”!
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Viewers Beware...skin shot ahead!
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22 Week Roundup

Baby: Present
Kicking: You bet!
Mood: Hmmm…one would have to assume complete and utter annoyance with mom incessantly poking at her belly to see if baby will kick back.
Latest Development: Love of Rice Krispi squares (oh wait…that’s’ mom). Baby weighs in at almost a whole pound this week!

Mom: Hangin’ in there
Kicking: If there wasn’t a belly in the way...
Mood: I have to pick just one?
Latest Development: Had to relinquish my heels to the deep dark hole in the closet of shoes I can no longer wear. A sudden and intense desire to bake and decorate gingerbread men has overcome me. I don’t even like the way they taste!

Dad: Super Hero as always!
Kicking: (and screaming) when dragged to Baby Gap for yet another “peek” at all the cute baby clothes.
Mood: Blissful – the pregnancy “glow” is not just for women! Dad is more and more excited everyday.
Latest Development: Brought home a Christmassy bouquet of flowers for mom today. Ulterior motive yet to be identified!

What if....

I just recently read a post from a fellow blogger who is going through a hard time trying to decide if she wants to have kids or not. What made her dilemma interesting was that she wasn’t worried about whether or not she would be a good mom, or if she would have all the right answers or always know what to do, but she was worried about the violence and tragedy in our world today and how parents cope with the possibility of something terrible happening to their child.

Here is my response to her concerns:

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When I was in grade 6, my teacher asked the class a question in response to a recent news story about a baby that had been killed in car crash. (The parents survived). The question was:
“Knowing your baby was going to die, would you rather the baby dies a few weeks after he was born, or when he was 18”.

This was our homework assignment, and although my response today is probably a little more polished, it went a little something like this:

“If I knew my child was going to die, I would rather have the opportunity to know them and develop memories with them until they reach the age of 18. If my baby died right away, I would never have the opportunity to get to know them, see them smile, experience all the wonderful “firsts” that having a child provides you with, and most of all, limited memories to keep close to my heart.”

We can’t know what the future will bring; we can only embrace what we have now. I truly, fully believe with every fibre of my soul that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes finding the reasons behind a tragedy seem difficult, but there is always a reason, you just need to find it.

If we don’t follow our dreams, or reach for our goals because of all the “what if’s” out there in the world, then who and what are we living for?
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I hope my answer helps her find what she is looking for.

Bootie Shakin'

I work in the Information Technology field and have the luxury of working at home. Although I can randomly choose days to coop myself up in my home office, Friday’s are my official “work at home day”. I usually take Friday mornings as an opportunity to sleep in a bit. This morning I woke up to the sound of my husband getting in the shower. I had to resist the urge to go back to sleep, and dragged myself out of bed to go and check my mail before driving my husband to the Go Train station. My husband likes to blog as well and I was truly touched and heartened by his post this morning and had to link to "Following the PATH" for those who care to read it as well.

I like to take the opportunity to use my treadmill over my lunch hour when I work at home. To get my body and mind in the mood to actually spend a half an hour on an inclined hill walking at the incredibly sluggish pace of 3 mph (I am pregnant after all), I usually put on the Much Music Countdown. Rogers on Demand Digital Cable is wonderful in that I can watch such programs when I want. Actually, there are two reasons why I like to watch the Much Music Countdown, the first being that it lets me keep somewhat in the loop with what songs are “In” these days. My husband and I are always joking about how “uncool” we are (ok ok… I joke, he denies it). We are both computer programmers.

The second reason I like watching the countdown is that music motivates! A good fast song (Destiny’s Child, Lose my Breath) came on and I was just starting to get into the groove (translation -- trying to shake and move my hips like they do), when I realized how utterly ridiculous I must have looked. I had for a moment forgotten I wasn’t the tanned, cute, skinny size 0 that I used to be! I now carry a gigantic belly, have swollen legs and ankles, experience breakouts like I’m a hormonal teenager, and have developed a behind that you could rest a TV tray on! Destiny’s Child, look out, your next bootie shaking hottie HAS ARRIVED!

At least I won’t be a totally dorky mom. No one can say I don't try and keep up to date on music!

Thoughts on how to be a good parent

Yesterday, while sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for my appointment, I experienced my first glance into my growing ideologies on parenting and parenting style techniques.

I’m sure most first time moms to be experience what I am going through as well, and that is trying to decide on how you will parent and guide your child to grow up into a well mannered, confident and happy individual. What makes a good parent? What sort of encouragement and discipline works? What doesn’t? So many questions!

I always knew my ideas and values on parenting were slowly being shaped in the back of my mind, but my experience at the doctors really enlightened me about how passionate and confident I am starting to feel with respect to how I plan on parenting my child.

This could easily turn into a monolithic dialog (or heated debate if you disagree with me), so I will try and keep this short. An example of what occurred at the office revolves around an outgoing little boy who liked to socialize, explore and play. The problem was, his parents not once offered any positive words to him. In the hour I was sitting there, all this child heard from his parents was “NO, STOP, DON’T, COME HERE AND BEHAVE or I’LL SMACK YOUR BUM IF YOU DON’T STOP IT”.

How is negative words supposed to guide or teach your child? Of course you need to set boundaries and not allow them to venture into places of danger where they can get hurt, but why not, instead of yelling “Get away from the door”, try saying, “If you stand by the door, what do you think could happen if someone opens it from the other side”? At least this gets their minds thinking about their action and the possible consequence. Standing by the doorway means they could hurt, but you need to help them understand that, and there is no better way to understand something than to think a situation through on your own (or with mom and dads help). I think that strategy is far more effective. How does hearing NO NO NO all the time help a child understand the consequences of his actions?

I guess there are some people who say let them get smacked by a door and they’ll learn, and you’re probably right, but deliberately putting my child in harms way is not my idea of effective parenting.

Another example of my parenting style starting to take form was brought to light when this outgoing little boy started getting a little pushy with another baby. His parents yelled at him to “come here and behave! Stop bugging other people or I’ll smack your bum”. In my humbled opinion, a more effective means of communicating with your child would have been to ask him “How do you think you would feel if someone bigger than you pushed you?” At the very least, this approach starts teaching your child the foundation of empathy and compassion for others. Threatening to hit him solves nothing and only frustrates him because he doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.

Not everyone will agree with me, and that’s ok. I’m learning here too, and I can honestly say I feel very confident in thoughts and principals around parenting. I will never be able to claim to have all the right answers, but I know I’m at least on the right track!

Week 21 (13 lbs later)

I just had my 21 week doctor’s appointment today. My Obstetrician is wonderful. I am really quite lucky to have been referred to such a great OB. (You might remember my extremely long winded post about my great
Midwife vs. OB debate.) I am extremely happy with my decision. Dr. Eltayeb is incredibly professional, yet has a sense of warmth and caring about her that immediately puts you at ease. Although her office is extremely busy (and what doctors office isn’t), she doesn’t make you feel rushed and always answers all my questions.

I have gained a whopping 13 POUNDS to date, and by belly measurements are right on track at 21cm for 21 weeks. I knew what my weight was, but that means in a month, I managed to put on 7 pounds. Holy crap batman, at that rate I’ll be a beached whale by the time 40 weeks rolls around. I don’t understand how the whole weight gain thing works anyways. I’ve been consistently eating about the same colossal amount of food the whole time and I eat quite healthy. I’m not much into junk food or fried food (oh ok…so I’ve recently taken a liking to rice krispi squares), and I do still continue to work out. I think your body truly takes on a mind of its own when you’re pregnant, and the laws of physics go right out the window.

I finally had the opportunity to discuss the results of my ultrasound. If I can quote the doctors words “The ultrasound results came out beautifully”. So our little bean is growing and healthy and measuring up just right.

Of course I had to ask again about the gender of the baby (because the Ultrasound Technician could only reveal what she “thought” the gender was), but it turns out she never recorded her prediction on the report. My husband mentioned last night that a friend of his has her own gender prediction for our baby. She seems to think the Ultrasound Technician is wrong. His friend (who has never met me by the way), said she doesn’t care what the Ultrasound lady said, because she disagrees, and to mark her words as she has never been wrong!

I think the baby’s gender will truly remain a mystery…I have not received a definitive answer. I am a fact based person. I do not believe in predictions, best guesses, old wives tales or that the alignment of the cosmos have determined the sex of my baby. Only the facts will do please.

On a different note, I had a glimpse into the feisty personality of my baby today (or at least what I will now interpret as a sign of my child’s individuality and character likeness). As the doctor was pushing her little Doppler machine around on my stomach trying to locate the heartbeat (apparently my baby is in constant motion), she finally came to rest (and push) on a spot for a split second where we heard the amplified “swisha swisha swisha…” followed by a large THUMP!!!. I guess our little baby didn’t like being poked and prodded and decided to give the old Doppler machine a good kick to get it out of their way. That’s the spirit baby! Show ‘em whose boss (but just remember I’ll always be the BIG BOSS).

Clown Feet

I think the most surprising thing with this pregnancy (being so naïve as this is my first) was my ability to read about all the various conditions and changes that will happen to my body and somehow manage to convince myself that they won’t happen to me.

Here was my train on thought on some of the more common pregnancy related ailments at a very early stage:

Backache:
"I’ve never had backaches before….a few extra pounds won’t cripple me…"

Expanding shoe size:
"I’ve been blessed with narrow feet, so any swelling will surely go unnoticed with the extra room most of my shoes have!"

Emotional Instability:
"COME ON!…You’re were talking about me, the girl who puts on a strong face and deals with issues, not cries about them!"

Mixed feelings about expanding belly (and other body parts):
"Not a chance…I’m going to be the cutest damn pregnant lady you’ve ever seen. IT WILL BE ALL BELLY, I’LL LOVE IT, and savor every extra inch knowing my baby is growing big and strong to face the world."

Shortness of Breath:
"WHAT? Shortness of breath? What is that? I’m not training for a triathlon, but I can run up and down a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat. This one for sure does not apply!"


Now for the reality check. Here is what I SHOULD have been thinking when I read about those common ailments:

Backache:
"Yes, backache. If I sleep on my back too long, and try and get out of bed (for the millionth time to pee) I’ll barely be able to stand and need to hang onto the walls to make sure I don’t fall over. Sitting at a computer all day won’t help either."

Expanding shoe size:
"Of course, that makes sense. The extra hormone “relaxing”, which allows the uterus to expand, also acts on all connective tissue (including the 26 muscles in your feet causing them to loosen and spread). My new shoe size is most likely here to stay. I will have to accept that my feet will magically transform into clown feet."

Emotional Instability:
"Ahh…emotional breakdowns! What a great opportunity to drive your husband crazy trying to figure out what the hell you’re talking about while trying to comfort and console the psycho pregnant lady."

Mixed feelings about expanding belly (and other parts):
"That makes sense. You get FAT! Of course a recipe for instant fatness will cause some mixed emotions. I am human after all (well mostly…when not in an emotionally unstable state). See my post on "
Ass Sandwhich" for further details about my thoughts on my growing body."

Shortness of Breath:
"Right! With up to 50% more blood pumping through my body, surely the seemingly easy task of going up a flight of stairs will take my breath away. In fact, turning over in bed will cause heavy breathing (NOT THAT KIND!); even brushing my teeth will cause a shortness of breath. In fact, take it up a notch and anything I do while pregnant will feel like I’m trying to run a marathon."

So far, all things considered, I do consider myself quite lucky, considering what many pregnant women go through. My issues are quite mild when I think of those women with high risk pregnancies and other scary conditions that can put their babies in harms way. All in all, I think I have had it quite easy so far and count my blessings hoping the remainder of the pregnancy will progress just as smoothly.

My Beef About Other Peoples Beef

If I have one major complaint about the whole pregnancy experience, it would have to be other people voicing their opinions about how I should be caring for myself. For example, I have not given up coffee. I still drink about a half a cup or so a day and feel totally fine about doing so. I often times go for coffee with a friend at work. On one occasion, while coming up the escalator to the elevator towers, another person I work with saw me with a coffee in hand and exclaimed, “That better not be a coffee!” But of course it’s a coffee! The cup says Starbucks on it. I didn’t order juice to go in a coffee cup! The next day, would you believe she brought me a book on what is and isn’t safe during pregnancy. I was dumbfounded, but smiled and graciously accepted her gift, thanking her for thinking of me and assured her how useful such a book would be. Try as I may and try as I might, I couldn’t help but feel slighted by her actions. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was being nice, but the circumstances around the situation left me somewhat bitter. Same thing a few days later. Heading off for coffee with my friend from work and someone else says “You’re not REALLY going for coffee are you”. In the back of my mind I’m thinking, no…I just said that for shits and giggles, I’m really thinking about joining the circus! I bit my tongue, put on my happy clam suite, smiled and said, but of course I’m going for coffee. The response I received was “Well…I’m not your mother, I can’t tell you what to do”. How can I walk away not feeling frustrated by other people trying to tell me how I should care for my body or rudely assuming what I am doing is going to harm my baby. I consider myself to be quite intelligent and resourceful. OF COURSE I look into these things. Everything action I take now that I am pregnant goes through a grueling process of understanding the risks (if any). I’m constantly online researching everything about safety during pregnancy. I have a ton of resources at my fingertips (books, Telehealth Ontario, motherisk, OB, family doc, and the billion pregnancy resources online). I’m sure everyone means well, and I do take that to heart. But for Pete’s Sake, try and remember that what you are expressing is an opinion. Everyone has one, and there is usually more than one right answer. There! I think that’s it. I feel better now that I have vented. And that was just about coffee! Oh, and by the way, the book that woman gave me said coffee (less than 2 cups a day) was totally safe!

Ass Sandwich

I was at the sitting at the top of the stairs talking to my husband (don’t ask why we converse in the stairway…we just sort of stop and talk wherever we are most of the time). For whatever reason, I felt the need to support my butt with my hands. Well if that isn’t a dead giveaway that I have an expanding bottom half, then I don’t know what is. I felt more squishiness on my ass then I’ve ever cared to feel. I immediately demanded my husband give the honest truth if my ass was ballooning out like my stomach, and like the dutiful husband that he is, he lovingly lied through his teeth and said that I look beautiful and my butt is not growing. Yeah yeah, shove over buddy, I know you’re too smart to actually tell your wife you think her ass is getting bigger! I had to see for myself! I ran to the bedroom to check out my side profile in the mirror. Not a good idea to do when you’re wearing your baggiest comfy pants and the most oversize sweater in the closet. After many reassuring comments from my wonderful hubby (thank you darling for putting up with me), we decided my baggy clothes just weren’t doing me any justice and to put the issue to rest. Done deal! Until….this morning. I got out of the shower and caught a glimpse of myself as I waddled passed the bathroom mirror. I actually had to do a double take and waddle back to make sure my eyes were not deceiving me. It was true! My ass has finally succumbed to an astonishing glutinous pile of cottage cheese. I had such high hopes of being one of those cute pregnant ladies who were good, and maintained an exercise routine and ate healthy. I was sure that would ward off the evil weight gain in unimaginable places. How naïve am I! Cellulite has no mercy. It made a cottage cheese sandwich of my ass. I suppose this realization is all part and parcel of welcoming me to motherhood. I don’t love the idea of cheese on my butt, but a glance down at my belly quickly puts me back to reality. My husband is stuck anyways now that he has a kid invested in this marriage! Just kidding! The reality is, I’m going to be a mom, and that makes all the less desirable issues fade into the background.